Akupara Games will be releasing Spinch on the Super Nintendo Entertainment System, alongside its upcoming Steam release. A 2D precision platformer where you run, jump, dash, dodge and slide your way through a hostile world of strobing, colorful monstrosities, Spinch fits perfectly into the catalogue of the console that defined the term “Nintendo Hard.” Not for the faint of heart, Spinch’s gameplay will have gamers expecting a challenge unlike any they’ve faced before. Split-second decision making and pixel precise reflexes will be required for the classic console experience if you want to save the main character, Spinch and its family.
The decision comes from producer Chris Nguyen, who credits the console’s robust sales figures. “We were thinking of releasing for PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series X, but why make games for consoles that people don’t have? The SNES sold fifty million units! Let’s find homes for our games on consoles that people already have. Some might say that’s risky, but it’s been really nice that the team has my back.”
“That wasn’t a joke?” CEO David Logan asks me. “I thought he was joking, so I said yes sarcastically. You’re telling me that he went through with it? Oh, god, we need to pull the plug before anyone hears about this.”
“Everyone has heard about Spinch on the Super Nintendo!” Marketing Strategist Richard Suchit announces exuberantly. “The numbers we’ve been seeing on Youtube and Twitch are bonkers. Twenty-five thousand concurrent viewers on a single stream! Apparently, there was this whole community of dedicated retro-gamers that love to see platformers like Spinch make it to old consoles. The craziest thing is that it plays so good as a SNES game!”
“This game basically can’t run on the SNES,” programmer Rob Clifford sweats profusely as he informs me in an off-the-record meeting. “I don’t really know what they want me to do, it’s not gonna work, I’ve been faking it for the streamers by just giving them a controller from 1995 but I have a feeling Richard is starting to notice that it isn’t plugged in. When you actually try and play Spinch on the console, it overheats the processor until it melts the whole console. Most folks don’t realize, but the SNES has less processing power than a modern calculator. There’s no way it can run graphics, sound, and mechanics at Spinch’s speed and quality.”
Chris is undeterred. He sits me down and goes over the massive list of setbacks and obstacles that impede the game’s production on the SNES: how expensive it is to manufacture cartridges, how most modern TV’s lack the proper hookups to maintain passable visual fidelity, how the game melts consoles, and how those melting consoles are a serious fire hazard because sometimes they catch on fire. “There are some problems, sure, but when has any game release been smooth? Problems come up and we deal with them. Sometimes, it’s a platform being fussy or there being bugs on launch. For Spinch on the SNES, it’s looking like it creates a ball of molten plasma that will give you third degree burns, but that’s fine. We’ll just patch it out; it puts new meaning to a hotfix.”
Although Quality Assurance Tester, Justin McGinnis, suffered third degree burns across his hands and arms, his spirits were still high. “Listen, the doctors are saying the melted plastic introduced lethal doses of toxic plastic into my bloodstream, but I work in games, OK? I drink nine Monster energy drinks a day, so I know a thing or two about poison in the bloodstream. And besides, this is my dream job. I’m really excited to get back to work, to be honest.”
You can expect a simultaneous launch of Spinch for the SNES and Steam coming soon this year! Pre-order today!
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